Seersucker

YOUR SOURCE FOR WHAT I THINK YOU SHOULD BE THINKING
Sat Jan 3

best meal ever

Thousands of years ago, before Sigourney Weaver, the natives of the Low Country of the southern shores of the continent known as North America, created a dish they called “shrimp and grits”.  This dish consists of many things, including the exotic crustacean known as “shrimp”, as well as the odd grain dish called “grits.”  Eventually, an enterprising young chef at the Chapel Hill restaurant Crooks Corner decided to take this recipe and make it his own.  I’m sure there was a twist here and a turn there, but I was not privy to the development of this recipe, so I just don’t know.  Regardless, I have had it, and it is friggin delicious.

As time passed, a Crooks Corner employee took this recipe to the eclectic little college town of Oxford, Mississippi when he opened his restaurant called City Grocery.  Thankfully, he was drunk enough one day to contribute this recipe to a cook book featuring recipes from many of the inordinately spectacular restaurants of Oxford.  We seized upon this fateful mistake today and made their version of shrimp and grits this evening and I have now experienced the culinary version of orgasm.  Go, find it now.  Revel in it.  Then get drunk, because life won’t get any better.

Tue Nov 4

Jeffrey for President, 2020

In my alcohol induced vision of the future, I see vauge but disturbing images: As 2020 approaches, a new leader is needed.  Palin’s dominion over the lower 48 has shut down all supermarkets, and has led people to shooting their pets for food from goverment-sponsored helicopters.  Irrational fear of “spreading the wealth” has stopped all taxes (except those that fund hunting helicopters) and there are 4 uber-rich mega-zillionaires that control pretty much everything (The Palins, The George W. Bush cyborg with kung fu grip, Dick Cheney’s pickled head, and Paris Hilton’s dog). Tunnel-visioned partisans have decided that a fresh voice might be a welcome change.

Perhaps that fresh voice will be me.  I have decided to get a head start on my opponent’s campaign and let the people know where I stand on certain issues that are important to us all.  The first issue I will discuss is the death penalty.

It rules.  Before you start giving me questions about our ability to judge the value of another’s life, let me tell you what I can value pretty easily: a dollar.  It’s worth about one dollar, give or take.  A hundred thousand of them are worth about a hundred thousand of them.  Coincidentally, that’s about what it costs to take care of one inmate per year in a federal prison.  That’s right.  While you’re out there scraping and clawing to live off of $40,000 a year, your drug-dealing, serial-killing, child-molesting criminal brethren are living free of charge, with three squares, exercise facilities, and guaranteed health care.

Sound fair?  I don’t think so either.

So that begs the question.  What, pray tell, do we do with these inmates?

Obviously, we don’t need to kill them all.  This is for another discussion, but I say you work ‘em; there are several different ways we could take advantage of this labor force..  If they won’t work, they don’t get fed, nor do they get health care.  Their choice.

For those convicted of the following charges, they get an appointment with Dr. Guillotine (we’ll get to that later):

first degree murder, rape, habitual (third?) drunk driving or a drunk driving related death, animal cruelty, other charges that I will add as I think of them…Essentially, I have no patience for those who either intentionally or recklessly cause the death or injury of other living beings either because they only care about themselves or they’re just too stupid to be aware of their lack of respect.  This is why they get killed.

Sure, you get an appeal.  There will be a new court system set up for these appeals.  They hear nothing but criminal appeals, and each appeal must be resolved within two years of the conviction.  No exceptions.  If an appeal is delayed, we find out why.  If it’s an employee’s fault, he’s fired; if it’s an inmate’s fault, he loses it.

The guillotine will be the preferred method of execution.  It’s virtually error-proof and immediate.  There is very little pain, and very little suffering.  If you think it hurts, wait a sec.  It won’t hurt much longer.  These will be carried out in private, except juvenile defenders will witness at least one execution as part of their sentences.

Doesn’t all of that seem reasonable?  If you think so, vote for me in 2020 (unless Bill Clinton has finally been declared god-emperor).

Sat Oct 25

tried my hand at haiku...depressing

We are all scrambling

Drawing figures in the sand

The tide is coming

Wed Oct 22
Tune in to see what happens when two of the most powerful forces in the multiverse - Jesus and Space Ghost - join forces to combat evil (or at least the things they perceive as such).
Tune in to see what happens when two of the most powerful forces in the multiverse - Jesus and Space Ghost - join forces to combat evil (or at least the things they perceive as such).

Why I am Pro-bama, and why you should be, too.

I suppose my rationale is more negative than positive.  This is unfortunate, given how much I dislike the mud-slinging associated with politics (though this is nothing new to America…didn’t we used to have politicians that dueled after talking junk to each other?) but I am far more disappointed with the current administration than I am enamored of any possible future one.

George W. Bush and the Sith Lord Cheney have pooped on the face of American honor.

There was a time when it was easy to be proud to be an American.  We saved England from the Nazis.  We were a light of freedom and hope for all people who came to our shores.  America was a place where an illiterate immigrant could become a entrepreneurial millionaire, where in three generations an Irish family could rise to national prominence and the Presidency (on bootlegging, but c’est la vie), where people were in control of their own destinies.

Now, thanks to Bush and Cheney, our name is mud.  Let me give you an analogy for what happened after September 11, 2001:

We were the biggest guy in the bar.  Some drunken asshole decided he was going to sucker punch the biggest dude so he could get some street cred.  We got bashed in the back of the head with a juke box.  But did that knock us out?  Oh, no.  It just pissed us off.  We got up, dusted ourselves off, walked right up to the guy who hit us…and then stabbed some other dude in the gut with our pocket knife.  That’s right.  We’re gonna get that Osama dude one day, but we saw our opportunity to get Saddam and we took it!  He talked about our Daddy once!  We HAD to get him.

Does that reaction make any sense at all?  To ANYONE?  I don’t see how.  The whole pretext was that Saddam had weapons of mass destruction.  Time and time again, the people whose job it was to find those weapons told us that he didn’t have any.  Did that stop the Republican administration?  No way.  They don’t let little things like the truth get in the way of their mission.  And what, pray tell, might that mission have been?  Hmmmm.  Well, we all know there were no WMDs.  So what else, what else…?  Maybe there was some oil to gain control of?  Perhaps.  I personally wonder if that was the motive, since we’ve done nothing to actually take control of those oil fields and reap the revenue ourselves.  I do, however, find it particularly suspicious that both Bush and Cheney come from oil company backgrounds.  And behold, due to the turmoil their actions have caused, we now have the highest oil and gas prices we’ve seen in a generation, and these companies are making money hand over fist.  To me, it appears the Bush/Cheney machine did this to line their own pockets.  Despicable.

And in doing so, they’ve pooped on the American Constitution as well.  No longer are we the land of the free, the home of the brave.  Now we’re more like the land next to Guantanamo, and the home of the torturers.  Read a book about George Washington and tell me if you think he would ship prisoners of war (and think about how loosely he would use that term) to other countries so they could be tortured, or even torture them here.  Maybe that’s what W needs, a WWGWD bracelet. Forgive me, I digress.

Due to Bush/Cheney’s reckless policies of hack and slash diplomacy and less-than-Constitutional “law enforcement” I find it far more difficult to be proud to be an American.  I am, however, still proud of the fact that they’ve yet to erode all of our freedoms, and we still have the power to vote them out of office.

I would like everyone who reads this to consider this point carefully: The stuff I wrote about up there isn’t good.  And I think it would be very difficult to argue that it’s not based in fact (except for the oil company line, but it’s a valid hypothesis).  The guys who did that are Republicans.  It might be hard to believe, but yes, they are Republicans.  You didn’t see them at the convention, but yep, that’s their party.  Now we have a new Republican who wants to take over, who says he’s going to change things because he’s a maverick.  Okey dokey, time for another analogy:

You pay a contractor to build onto your house.  The house not only doesn’t get any better, but it’s turned into a piece of junk and appears to be collapsing in on itself.  Your family has no place to live but there.  The contractors, when confronted with this, say, “Oh, yes, we’ve done a horrible job.  We apparently have no idea what we’re doing.  It’s time for a new way to do this job and fix it up right!  Let us do it.”

Uhhhhhh.  No, thanks.  We can’t let the Republicans try to fix what they have broken.  The risk is too great, the price too high to let them keep screwing things up.  Sure, they can say what they want about making things better…lower taxes, free pie, corporate greed checked…but has the same party done anything like that in the current administration?  No.  We can’t afford to believe their promises again.  Fool me once, shame on you.  Fool me twice and I’m a retarded rhesus monkey who believes it every time someone promises me pie. Given the mess they’ve made, do I foresee lower taxes in the future?  No, sadly I don’t.  It costs money to fix things and boy are things broken.  That’s what we’ve gotten out of 8 years of a Republican administration.

Do I think that the Democratic nominee will do any better?  How can he not? Truly, if the Democratic nominee was a retarded squirrel, I’d vote for it before I’d let the Republicans back in the driver’s seat. Under the Republicans, our economy has gone to crap, we’re now losing two wars instead of being in none, the world hates us, and I have to pretend I’m Canadian when I travel abroad.  Please, please, please, for the love of all things holy, do not let these people ruin our country further.  Vote Democrat!  Vote Obama/Biden!  Help me save our country.

Tue Oct 21
“You mean McCain might actually WIN??!  And be PRESIDENT?  HOW?!  He’s 432 years old!!  And this thing eating my foot is more well-read than his running mate!  Now THAT’S scary.”
“You mean McCain might actually WIN??!  And be PRESIDENT?  HOW?!  He’s 432 years old!!  And this thing eating my foot is more well-read than his running mate!  Now THAT’S scary.”
Some rice floats, some rice doesn’t. me